This Is My Story: The Freshmen
by Countrygal17
Summary: Bella comes to face her past after four years of running. To face the deaths of her best friends, and to see the man that grieves the most. How will she cope with the hidden memories of her past? With Edward by her side.
1. Preface: Explanation

The Freshmen

Preface: The Reason Why

I remember the day it all went wrong. I remember it too well actually. It started out like any other. The five of us meeting at our spot. Taking out the pot and smoking up a storm. Even as freshmen we smoked. I think that fucked us up the most, the pot. Or maybe it wasn't, maybe we were fucked up anyway. I guess we'll never know now. Four years later and we're still not over it. Three deaths, two of them suicides, and two attempted suicides. I guess that could be the reason we're still not over it. I am proud to say I do not fall under either category. No suicides or attempted ones. Those were all of my friends. I could have, and I wanted to. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. It scared the crap out of me at the time. Still does. But we can't be held responsible for these actions. We were just kids for Christ sake. We didn't know what it was like to lose someone, that is, until it happened. And it didn't just stop at one, it was three. God three fucking deaths in one month. Can you imagine?

That's why I ran. I ran away from the sadness, from death itself. I didn't want to be number four. Am I suicidal now? I don't know. I mean I must be for coming back here after four years. But I do have a reason. And he's sitting right next to me on this plane. Edward Cullen. My fiance for about three months now. I started dating him two years ago.

I know what your probably thinking, what kind of girl gets married right out of high school? I know this because I used to think it myself. But I love him, I truly do. I mean, why else would I be reliving my past? He makes me feel so important, he promised me forever... Something I never thought I'd be able to ask.

Which is why we are here, back in Ottowa, Illinois. The place where I grew up, the place I fucked up. He wants to know what my life was like here. What he doesn't know is my past. He lives in my present and he is my future. The horrible thoughts of my past, which I had hoped would be long gone by now, are all coming back to me. The funerals, the pitying faces, and those God damn awful days that I just spent crying in my room. Then the day I decided to run, the look on _his_ face when I left. But I couldn't stay, I lost three of the most important people in the world to me. And I don't know why. Four years later and I still can't give myself a God damn reason for the tragedy.

I'm sorry for the ranting. I guess I'm so nervous about being here that I just can't control my words. But it was necessary, because you see, Edward isn't the only one thats going to learn of my past, you are too. And although I probably have you confused, this introduction was needed. I needed to give a reason for this trip, if not for you then for myself. For the next week I will be immersed in my past, reliving every single fucking memory thats haunted my dreams ever since I left. But maybe this is good. Maybe, this is what I need. God only knows.

Now here comes the time to make a decision; move forward and go through with this, or turn around making up some excuse of why I can't be here, it would be so easy.... No. I have to do this, for Edward, for me. And Edward will help me, he loves me and he'll be there for me. He's already promised that much. If only he knew what he was getting himself into.

For one week you are invited into my life. For one week you see through the eyes of a 15 year old junkie turned 18 year old writer. This is not for the light hearted. And if you haven't figured it out already, I curse. It's a bad habit it know, but its my book and I can do as I please. My story here, does not have a happy ending. My happy ending came after I left, this trip will NOT have the happy ending my life found for me. It ends when I run. It ends right before Jeremy comes into the picture because he knows that much, and after the trip he will understand things he didn't before. Because my actions were based on this story. A story of friendship, of love, of loss, of agony. A story called; The Freshmen.


	2. Memory 1

_Memory 1: Gettin' High_

_"Come on Bella hurry up!" Kate yells at me when I finally get out of the house._

_"Shut up will you? You're gonna wake my parents." I say._

_"Oh come on, they sleep through just about anything, besides, we're gonna be late if you don't get your sorry ass on your bike. The guys are waiting at the spot."_

_"Alright I'm comin I'm comin. Jeez you act like you've never done this before, and I know you have, I was there. How'd Jason get a hold of it anyway? I though his mom confiscated it all."_

_"Said he got it half off from some street vendor. That probably means its not all that good, but it'll do the job." I give her a face. Weed is weed, no matter how long you have it or where you put it._

_"I still say there's no difference." We get on our bikes and head towards our spot. It's nothing special, just a patch of grass under one of the may water towers in Illinois. We call it our spot because there is a big number 5 painted onto it. We don't know what it's supposed to stand for, only that it now symbolizes our group. There are five of us; me, Kate, Jason (my best guy friend), Michael (Kate's boyfriend), and Eric (Kate's best guy friend). We found it one day and Kate decided it was fate. And thus it became our spot._

_"FINALLY!" Kate yells as we get to the water tower. The boys are already there, lounging around as usual. Kate runs and jumps on top of Michael and kisses him._

_"Oh please will you two get a room?" Jason asks. _

_"I second that," I say as I sit down next to him. "So the 'rents actually let you out?"_

_"Yeah, if you can believe it. Though I had to promise that I wasn't going to see you today. They're under some kind of impression that you're my bad influence." Jason smirks at me_

_"Oh gee thanks. I'm sure your mom hates me now. You're lucky that I can climb through windows because I'm sure that this and at night are the only times you're going to be seeing me now." I spend the night at Jason's house more often than not. I don't know why but I've never liked being alone and my parents would kill me if I interrupted their "alone time". Jason's house is next door to mine so I can easily climb out my window and through his. Plus his bed is the most comfortable bed I've ever seen. We're not dating, and we never will. We tried dating in 7__th__ grade and it was really awkward. He's like my brother and we both weren't all that interested in the relationship. We're closer now, as friends, than we ever were as boyfriend and girlfriend. I've been known to where his clothes to school, his mother hates me for it. But Jason doesn't care and so I keep doing it._

_If Jason's mother knew that we shared a bed at night she would go insane. She's already under the impression that my main goal in life is to steal her precious son's virginity. Though where she got that I will never know. I'm still a virgin for Christ's sake! Jason doesn't have a father, he never met him, so his mother tries to be both parents at once. And let me tell you it's annoying._

_"Oh what would I do if you weren't there to wake me up in the middle of the night and climb into bed with me? Well, I might actually get a good night's sleep for once." Jason jokes._

_"You know you love it. And besides, you're never asleep, you always wait for me dumbass. That holds no value."_

_"Yeah whatever. You're lucky I love you so much. Most guys would have kicked you out by now."_

_"Gasp, you would never kick me out. Not when I'm the only girl who's been in your bed. Oh!" I tease._

_"Take it back." he warns._

_"Nope!" I say and pop the "p". _

_"Fine then, I guess you don't get any of this." he holds up the bag of weed and dangles it in front of my face._

_"Gimme it!" I say._

_"Take it back."_

_"No way Jose!"_

_"Fine then, Kate? Michael? You want some of this?"_

_"Ok ok fine, I take it back. You can't let them get the first one! That's always mine and you know it."_

_"Now that's a good girl. Now say, Jason is the king of my universe and has the hottest body in the world." he wiggles his eyebrows._

_"Jason Halloway you'd better give that to me." I warn him._

_"Not until you say it." I glare at him. Then I get a good idea, I pounce on him so that my legs are on either side of his torso._

_"Actually, I think I'm the queen of your universe." I say and grab the bag of weed from his hand._

_"Jesus Bell. That was awesome." Eric says. Kate and Michael nod their heads in approval._

_"Ha ha thanks Eric. Anybody got a lighter?" I ask the group. Kate tosses me hers, a black one with mini pink skulls all over it. I roll up some of the weed and light the end. I take a deep breath and exhale. "Ah. I get high with a little help from my friends."_

_"You're such a dork, Bella. The Beatles?" Michael says._

_"The Beatles are awesome, don't ever diss them." Kate says to her boyfriend._

_"Yup she's pretty much right." I say and toss the bag to her. These are the nights I like, one's where it feels like nothing bad can happen. But why do I feel like that's all about to change?_


	3. Chapter 1: Getting There

Chapter 1

__

Edward and I got off of the plane and made our way to the baggage claim. It was weird being here after all this time. The last time I was here I was running away, now I'm coming home. I shuddered at the word "home."

"Welcome to Ottowa." I said to Edward and gave him a small smile. "Where the locals say; there's no place like home. Oh wait, maybe that's Kansas." Edward laughed and grabbed my hand in his, swinging it back and forth.

"Well it is your home," he said. I nodded, though it didn't feel like home at the moment. "We don't have to do this if you don't want to." he said reassuringly. I smiled at him.

"I know, but it's about time. I don't wanna run anymore. And I want you to know about my past. I've kept you in the dark for too long." Edward smiled at me.

"Have I told you that I loved you yet today?" he asked. I laughed and leaned into him.

"Yeah, but I always love hearing it. I love you too." I said and I tilted my head up to kiss him. He cupped my face in his hands, holding my head as he deepened the kiss. It's amazing, when he kisses me I manage to forget about everything. There is no pressure, no heartache. It's just me and him, kissing each other like nothing else matters. And for a few seconds nothing did. Until reality came crashing down when the buzzer signalizing our baggage had arrived sounded and he pulled away. We looked for our baggage, two bags very easy to find, and go rent a car out for the week.

"Do your parents know you're here?" Edward asks. We had talked earlier about maybe staying with them for the week, but I never could bring myself to call them.

"No," I say in a quiet voice. "I couldn't do it. They- they wouldn't have let us stay anyway. I'm sure they're still mad at me." Edward stops then, puts the bags down and pulls me into a tight hug.

"Hey," he hugs me closer. "Don't talk like that okay? We'll get ourselves a hotel for the week, it doesn't matter. The fact that you are here is enough. I'm so proud of you Bella." He kisses me then. "I'd never be able to do what you're doing." I smile through the tears and he wipes them away. "Come on, let's go."

We get our car, a cheap 1999 pick up truck, and go book a hotel room. By the time we get everything settled it's around 10:00 at night so we get in bed for the night. I snuggle up close to my fiancee, one of my favorite things to do now, and he lays his head on top of mine. I sigh, realizing how tired I am from the long plane ride when my cell rings. I get up and look at the caller ID to see my best friend Alice calling me. I laugh.

"Oops, I forgot to call Alice when we got here." Edward laughs as well.

"You might as well answer it babe, she'll just keep calling." I nod and answer the phone.

"Hello?" I ask.

"Hey girl! You in Ottawa now?"

"Yeah, we just settled into the hotel room. How's everyone holding up there?" I heard her laugh.

"We're all good. You know, you're lucky that I'm your Maid of Honor cause otherwise all of your wedding plans would be done by the time you get back, and I know you want to help." I roll my eyes even though she can't see.

"Just keep the girls in line for me alright? I'd like to have a choice in what I want for my wedding." I glance over at Edward to see him laughing. He motions for me to get off the phone and come to bed. "Well I'm tired so I'm going to go to bed now, I yawn for effect.

"Oh alright go have fun. Just... Try to save some for the honeymoon okay?" I laugh.

"Goodnight Alice." I say.

"Night." I hang up the phone and put it on the night stand. I crawl into the bed again and position myself in Edward's side.

"I love you." I say, looking into his eyes.

"I love you too, babe. Get some sleep now, we've got a long week ahead of us." I nod.

"Yeah, I know where I wanna take you tomorrow." I say with a yawn.

"Okay but now sleep, my love. We'll talk in the morning." I smile.

"Night." I say.

"Night babe." And I fall asleep in his arms.


	4. Memory 2: Kate's Death

**A/N: So this is the ending to the last chapter as well as a flashback, I didn't get it all in the last chapter.**

I wake up to a soft humming noise in my ear. I turn to the sound and I see that Edward is humming softly to me. I smile knowing that this is how I'm going to wake up every morning for the rest of my life.

"Morning." I say sleepily. He smiles down at me.

"Good morning sleeping beauty. You finally woke up." I frown slightly.

"How long have you been up?" I ask. He shakes his head and kisses me softly on the lips.

"Not too long, besides, I like watching you sleep. You were smiling, something you should do more often. You're beautiful when you smile, even more beautiful then you normally are." I run my fingers through his hair.

"Well you look very handsome. Are you ready to get up yet?" I ask. He nods.

"If you are." I smile.

"Good, cause I know exactly what our first stop is." we get up and dressed, albeit slowly because Edward kept kissing me and hugging me the entire time. I kept giggling and a broad smile never left my face.

We got out to the car and Edward was about to get in the drivers seat when I said.

"Why don't I drive? I mean, since I know where we're going." He looks up.

"You sure?" he asks.

"Yeah why not. We'll get there faster." He throws me the keys to the truck and I get in the drivers seat. Turning up the radio really loud I drive out of the parking lot. How Far We've Come comes on the radio and I start to sing along, really badly mind you, and Edward starts laughing. I glare at him.

"Just because you can sing doesn't mean you can laugh at those who can't." I stick my tongue out at him. He grabs my hand and kisses the top of it.

"Which is why I'm the one singing to you at the wedding." my heart skips a beat.

"Really?" I ask. "You're going to sing to me?" he smiles and nods his head. "What song?" I ask.

"You'll find out during the wedding babe." I sigh.

"Fine." I know that no matter what I say he won't budge.

We drive in silence for the remainder of the song, well silence except for me humming. Before I know it I see the water tower coming into view.

"We're here." I say and park the car. We both get out and I grab his hand in mine. We're walking towards the tower when I see _him._ I stop dead in my tracks and feel my eyes go wide.

"Oh my God." I say and Edward looks over at me as well as the guy sitting in OUR spot.

"Bella?" he asks.

_Memory 2: Kate's Death_

_I'm laying with Jason in his bed when my cell phone rings. I wonder who could be calling this late at night, but then I remember it was homecoming and Kate was probably calling me to tell me all about it. I get up and look at my phone to see Michael flashing the caller ID._

_"Hello?" I say._

_"Bella... Help!" Michael yells into the phone._

_"Michael, wait stop yelling, what is going on?" I ask._

_"Its Kate, she's been hit by a car. The doctors say that she's in critical condition, she might not make it Bells!!" I stand there for a second, feeling numb. Hit by a car? "Bella? BELLA?!!" I snap out of it._

_"Where are you?" I ask._

_"We're at HartGrove Hospital." shit, that's in Chicago, a good hour and a half minutes away._

_"Okay, I'll get there as fast as I can okay? I'll wake up Jason and he'll drive us there. Hang in there alright? We'll be there soon." I hung up the phone. Thank God for Jason already being 16 and with a license. "Jason... Jason.. Wake up!" I nudge him awake._

_"Wha?" Jason asks groggily._

_"Jason we need to get to the hospital, Kate's been hit by a car." I tell him. He bolts upright and starts to pull some clothes on._

_"Where?" he asks._

_"HartGrove Hospital." I say._

_"Shit!" he says. He grabs his car keys and we run to the front door. By now I'm so scared that I'm shaking. This can't be happening, Kate has to be okay, just has to be. Jason looks over at me and sees my worried expression and takes one of my hands in his. "We'll get there." he says reassuringly. I know we will, the question is will it be too late?_

_We get to the hospital and run through the front doors. We had decided that Jason would ask what room she was in, I'm still too hysterical to even begin to talk._

_"We're looking for a Kate Wilson?" he says. The lady at the desk nods her head and looks at her computer for the name. I tap my fingers nervously on the counter while we wait. The lady gives me an annoyed glance but I don't care. I'm too nervous to care._

_"Room 402, second floor." the lady says._

_"Thank you." Jason replies and we run towards the elevators. Once inside Jason pulls me into a tight hug, sensing that I need it. I love that he knows what I'm feeling, he truly is the greatest best friend._

_DING! The elevator sounds and we rush out of there and start to look for room 402. Then I spot Michael pacing back and forth in the hallway._

_"Michael!" I call. He looks up and sees us run towards him. "Oh Michael what happened? Michael looks at me with pain in his eyes._

_"We got in a fight, Kate and I. We were coming home from Homecoming and she made me pull over. We were almost to her house so she decided to walk the rest of the way home. I guess it was too dark outside and she was in a black dress so she got hit. I should have been there, I should have stopped-"_

_"Shh." I say to him. "Calm down, getting hysterical won't solve anything." I lead him to one of the waiting chairs and make him sit. "And neither will pacing." I sit down next to him and Jason sits down next to me. "Everything is going to be fine, she'll pull through this." I say, mostly for my benefit._

_We wait, for what seems like eternity before a doctor comes out._

_"Are any of you family?" he asks._

_"I'm her sister." I lie, just wanting to know the news. He nods and motions for me to walk with him. I get up and walk a little ways until he stops and turns to me._

_"I'm so sorry miss, we did everything we could, but she lost so much blood. I'm sorry, but she's gone." I freeze in shock and look over to Michael. He reads the expression on my face and falls to the floor._

_"No, Kate baby why?" he screams. I take one more look at the doctor and run back over to Michael and fall to the ground with him, tears streaming from my eyes. I pull him into a hug and I let him cry into my shoulder as I cry in his. I can't believe she's gone._


End file.
